Between the domestic works and the endless to-do lists in my agendas, I think I started to lose the balance of all things. I can’t keep up with my usual time management anymore and I barely have time for myself. Including writing.
During the time of the new chapter of life I’m living, I always wonder if I’m ever good enough for anything. This is the first time I need to accept a new family with different values than mine. It’s hard to stay calm while navigating my noisy mind from constant critics and the pressure of having ‘real job’. I barely recovered from depression and I slowly fall into one again. However, I tried not to. The endless to-do list helped a little, though tired my body.
Sometimes, I told myself that this is not what I’m signed up. But then, life is all about the constant critics. All my life, I’ve been fine with critics. Most of the time, I face it upfront and brave enough to prove my point. But this time, I don’t know why it’s even harder to breathe. Maybe because I’m afraid to be a disappointment. A word, that my parents have never used to describe me.
I wonder how I cope with my life until now? How I survive all the drama? Why does it get to me this time?
If this post ever makes you down, I’m sorry. I said sorry for countless of times these days and I lost reasons why I need to. Here’s to having more confidence and strength. Here’s to not being sorry all the time.
Have a blessed morning :)
PS: I promise the next post will be full of colorful things and exciting stuff :P