It might be the umpteenth time you’ve read it but I will still write it: it’s been awhile since I wrote here. This time, it’s not because I’ve been busy or depressed. Fyi, I still
I might pass December without any post here, but when the invoice of my hosting and domain came through the mail last week, I started reading the last thing I post.
And I, have blown away.
It’s still a wonder what did I think when I wrote this.
Then, here I am again, writing.
Lately, life was pretty harsh, it still is. To be taken not seriously for things that you do and like. I want to write comfortably and write what I want to say bluntly, but I’m afraid I might hurt some people. So, I’m sorry if this writing sounds so vague and blurry. Long story short, there are some people in my life, who doesn’t take freelancing seriously and thinks entrepreneurship as forever a side hustle, not a full-time gig. On one side, I want to defend myself, but on the other side, I know I’m not good enough.
Last month, the social media broke and hurt by an ads from a political party. The ads tells the narration about how hard it is to get a job in this era. What considered as an acceptable job is a corporate job, while the modern jobs that created by the culture of economy sharing and creative thinking are somewhat embarrassing. A lot of people are angry and said that the ads trapped in an old conventional way of thinking while the world has moved forward. For me, it’s a salt rub in an open wound. Because I get it, the ads is never intended to the youngster and what we called millennials. It’s an ads for the older generation, who never really think more than his/her life, people who have never really seen the bigger picture.
The younger me will totally be a rebel, doesn’t care what other said. Confidently walking through rains and thorns. But I’m 31 years old now, everything feels like a knife stab. It’s easy to feel alright, but it’s also easy to feel really down and sad. Most of the time, it’s the latter. To be honest, I hate the sobbing me. Lately, I tried to look into the mirror whenever I had tears and I don’t even know what to do to ease the situation. She seems hurt. I like the rebel confidence me better. She seems fearless.
After all of it, I know I just need to reach out, deeper. The thing about
PS: There were many times, that I felt like writing. Pouring the emotion I’ve built up all these times. But somehow, I’ve been surrounded by guilt. The guilt of doing things that I enjoy solely. This writing will soon pass 500 words and I’ve been writing for an hour. The good news is, I feel so much better. Writing mindfully after the anger and the tears passed have given me a clearer view and much more rational thoughts. One thing for sure, watch out for the writing trains, because I can see it coming :P