//November 11, 2010//
“Wanita dijajah pria, sejak dulu.”
The line is a bastard.
Despite how many times we cursed at the song, it is still represented the life that we stepped into everyday. Kartini once made the difference, burning the spirit of independent woman to take a fight. Her struggles paid off. The book “Habis Gelap Terbitlah Terang” was still printed back to back, her birthday decorated the calendar, reminiscent of a constant fight that she brought that time. But the discrimination to woman is still continued to this time. It is not a complete annihilation of the discrimination. It is a lie when people said there is none because some were just a formality, and some were just an understanding. Some job vacancy required male and male only. It is resulted some other perspectives about not giving the same chances to both gender. On my real perspective, there’s thing that belongs to a man. Carry heavy things, cleaning the ceiling, fixing the TV antenna and plumbing. It doesn’t mean woman can’t do that, but the society prefers man to do that. But those things the man had to do are nothing closer comparing to what we have to go through. We don’t need to proof that we are stronger, because in fact, we already are. Woman overcome PMS, get pregnant, and give birth. What else you need to proof? While the most painful thing man has to get through is getting circumcision besides, they’re getting paid by doing it.
Some while ago, I read this amazing, mind-blowing idea about marriage and relationship on the edition of Weekender.
“Soulmate, life partner, spouse, our better half: Call it what you will, but except for the misanthropes among us, most of us are looking for that special someone who will, in the sap of romantic novelists the world over, completed us.”
Editor’s note of Weekender August 2009 edition, Bruce Emond
Some people called themselves solitary, but in fact there’s no one could be called by the words itself. You watch TV, you read the newspaper, you eat at the nearby shop, and suddenly you’re not a solitary. For our lonely soul, there’s always a place for those significant other. The place is open, on the right time and for the right one. The frequently asked question is, when and who?
Every little girl dreamt for a wedding, at least once. Like all the fairytale lied to us, for living happily ever after. We grow up by those fairytales that we found later on, were too good to be true. We saw Lady Di and Prince Charles walked down the aisle, with long magnificent white dress that we still admired until this day. But fortunately, I grew up by the books of prophets and Indonesian fairytales, where Nabi Muhammad was married to a widow and Sangkuriang fell in love with his mother. I didn’t grow up by the idea of having fairy godparents and a kiss from a prince. I didn’t believe in love or whatsoever it is called. I know my parents are in love, that I was being born after my big sister and later on, my little sister. But, I’m always a stubborn one, I wouldn’t believing things I didn’t experience myself. So, I grew the idea of being single. For forever more.
I listed my soon-to-be-journey I would get to. Living on VW Combi and travelling around the world. Going to Japan and seeing Pokémon Centre. Being an astronaut. Volunteering to India and Africa, on a camp refugee playing with the children. I was proud to be called a feminist and I believe the idea of strong independent woman that still rocks on when they hit 30s, 40s or even 50s. The one who prior to career and decided to give up everything. I believed that when women get married, it is the end of everything. The skyrocketed dreams we build up would collapse, and we trapped to a sad life called household. Besides, I have an aunty living in Canada. She’s 40s, she’s going abroad, and she seems happy. So, I started to plan the life like she has. The sad truth is I’ve never becoming an astronaut, and I haven’t got my driving license. And the saddest truth is, I fell in love.
I’ve never asked the question of when and who. I just knew I fell in love, and yes, it is blinded. I fell hard and when the relationship didn’t work out, I fell harder, literally. The fact is deep inside, people always want those happily ever after. I’ve never been on a relationship that based on something I don’t want to last. So when I fell in love for the second time, I want it to last forever. It all changed down my perspective of living alone. Living on the riverside of a jungle in the middle of nowhere is going to be a last year dream. I list new dreams that involved someone besides me. The dreams are never going to change who I am. I still love punk rock, dreaming about United Nation, wanting to write children book stories and longing to go to Pokémon Centre. I’m just thankful to have a person who visions the same thing as I do. Visioning things we would get later, together. Yes, it is sappy when people said, ‘I’ and ‘you’ changed to ‘us’. Uh-oh, it’s just crappy whether it is the reality checked.
I’ve never called my dreams to be a career or a job. I don’t believe the quote that said“Your job isn’t your career”, despite many people have told me the line. So, the dreams will always be on top of my priority list, I don’t see anyone distracted it with their existence. Besides, someone who ruins your dreams might not be a right person for you. I mean, if he/she tries to forbid you to achieve things, he/she might just be an obstacle you get to go through. Now, I’m not single and I’m happy. I don’t oppose the choices of being single. If it is the only way to make you happy, then don’t ever try to back up. But as the previous statement I wrote, accepting someone to enter your life is not the end of the successful dreams you’re once dreamt of.
Despite any previous statement I wrote, the line of “Wanita dijajah pria, sejak dulu.” is still a bastard until now. Although the song is followed by the line
“Namun adakala pria tak berdaya. Tekuk lutut di sudut kerling wanita.”,
we still have to fight about it.