If I were asked what thing that makes me still writing blog posts in the era of video diary, photo sharing, and instant status, maybe the answer is I want to document life in the way I know best. I want to see how I grow up, what are the most important things that make me want to present here.

5 years ago I was busy telling myself that money isn’t the most important thing in my job. Here I am, a few years later struggling to find one. But as the years go by, I kept a habit of re-reading all my words in a certain time period. I finally find a pattern of how my brain and feelings work. I understand why such things matter in its own timeline.

Last night I wrote how I feel about the yesterday’s demonstration. How I act not to care but still talking about it on chat rooms. How I feel bitter and sad at the same time. How I may really don’t care because I stop watching the news after 2 PM. How I missed a figure who knows the exact things to say in the right sentiment. How I want a religion to be understand in a different way. How I want people to be accepted in a different way. How I want the majority of people to act in a different way. How I wish politics are easier to understand by commoners. Then again, I might really not that care since what I wrote last night consists of only 25 messy words. Or maybe, it’s just another way of my brains and feelings telling me how I really care.

That kind of uncertainty and confusion are the reasons why I still writing here.

Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend

As a known enemy
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don’t be late
Take a rest as a friend, as an old memoria
Come as You Are – Nirvana

In a classic grunge statement, Cobain encourages us to present ourselves ‘as we are’ rather than packaged in the labels that society may give us; to sacrifice nothing for the sake of presenting an image.

How many of you have the urge to take photos just for the sake of online presence? How many of you use the share button more than once a day? Despite its sentiment, the era of sharing contributes greatly in society and advanced technology. Data sharing nowadays holds a large part in developing knowledge and making communities. The boundaries of sharing become blurry. The terms branding and presenting become an obligation.

It is not a secret that sometimes, we feel closer to a stranger than our closest friends. We feel joy when she feels joy. We believe his opinion and buying the same clothes and products. They willingly share their daily routine. They talk to us in casual conversation. They act like a friend. In the end of the day, they are nothing than strangers with millions of stranger friends.

We feel pity because they are younger than us. We feel sad because they are doing what we won’t be doing. We feel danger because we think that they will bring harm to a larger society. We judge them by how they look, how they talk, how they present themselves. They are doing the same to us. We are angry at them for being who they are. They are angry at us because we are being who we are. We talk what we want to talk. They talk what they want to talk.

They sing like the rebel of the century, but it’s no different than 90s soap opera, with synthetic sounds and controversies. They feel left out and no one understands them, except their millions of friends.

Is it age? Is it time? Is it an era? Will they think different when they are older? Will we act different when we are younger? Will they do differently when they don’t have millions of friends? Who gives them permission to get extra exposure? Who gives them the spotlight to shine? Who gives them the chance to curse deeper?

When we feel lonely in a crowded place, we seclude ourselves through electric wavelength. We connect ourselves with distant drama and stranger’s life story. We become the stranger itself, who is lonely and desperately need consolation.

Maybe, they are as lonely as us. When they feel lonely in a crowded place, maybe for them, a million of strangers aren’t so bad.

In one of their greatest song, Blink182 refers Nirvana’s Come as You Are lyrics to address a fan’s suicide. 

I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn’t think enough
Adam’s Song – Blink182