What we barely understand include things like…
the galaxy farther than Hubble Space Telescope’s observation.
the true value of Euler’s constant.
life beyond death.
politics.
As You Are
Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friendAs a known enemy
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don’t be late
Take a rest as a friend, as an old memoria
Come as You Are – Nirvana
In a classic grunge statement, Cobain encourages us to present ourselves ‘as we are’ rather than packaged in the labels that society may give us; to sacrifice nothing for the sake of presenting an image.
How many of you have the urge to take photos just for the sake of online presence? How many of you use the share button more than once a day? Despite its sentiment, the era of sharing contributes greatly in society and advanced technology. Data sharing nowadays holds a large part in developing knowledge and making communities. The boundaries of sharing become blurry. The terms branding and presenting become an obligation.
It is not a secret that sometimes, we feel closer to a stranger than our closest friends. We feel joy when she feels joy. We believe his opinion and buying the same clothes and products. They willingly share their daily routine. They talk to us in casual conversation. They act like a friend. In the end of the day, they are nothing than strangers with millions of stranger friends.
We feel pity because they are younger than us. We feel sad because they are doing what we won’t be doing. We feel danger because we think that they will bring harm to a larger society. We judge them by how they look, how they talk, how they present themselves. They are doing the same to us. We are angry at them for being who they are. They are angry at us because we are being who we are. We talk what we want to talk. They talk what they want to talk.
They sing like the rebel of the century, but it’s no different than 90s soap opera, with synthetic sounds and controversies. They feel left out and no one understands them, except their millions of friends.
Is it age? Is it time? Is it an era? Will they think different when they are older? Will we act different when we are younger? Will they do differently when they don’t have millions of friends? Who gives them permission to get extra exposure? Who gives them the spotlight to shine? Who gives them the chance to curse deeper?
When we feel lonely in a crowded place, we seclude ourselves through electric wavelength. We connect ourselves with distant drama and stranger’s life story. We become the stranger itself, who is lonely and desperately need consolation.
Maybe, they are as lonely as us. When they feel lonely in a crowded place, maybe for them, a million of strangers aren’t so bad.
In one of their greatest song, Blink182 refers Nirvana’s Come as You Are lyrics to address a fan’s suicide.
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn’t think enough
Adam’s Song – Blink182
One Way or Another
I’ve always dream about a winter vacation for a long time. But when the weather forecast said it was minus 6 degree outside and I cannot feel my face while strolling around the city, that’s when I know travelling on winter is a bad idea. I was tucking under my bed sheet and ready to sleep when I scrolled to the endless unread emails on my inbox. Subscribing to a whole bunch on Newsletter is a great idea on one side, but a messy and irritating things on the other side. One e-mail stands out for me. It was the 2016 Annual Letter from Bill & Melinda Gates.
Bill Gates has been a long time hero from me. Far before Andrew Stanton and John Lasseter introduced me to the wonder of Toy Story, Gates introduced me to the wonder of the future. Reading words from a long time hero made me sentimental, in such a way, that I start to remember every single dream and everything I wanted to be. As I read every sentences and every words, I felt tears were running down my face. I tucked my bed sheets higher to cover all my head so my sisters do not see me cry.
It was hard for anyone to grow up and find that life doesn’t get easier when you work harder. To find that there’s always greater obstacle, there’s always more comparison. To find that as we get older, none of our plan might work after all. That dreams are another series of unchecked to-do list.
You’ll find that along the way, people will tell you to not giving up and you will tell yourself that dreams will find a way. The hardest part is when you find out that maybe time is running out faster.
When I graduated from bachelor degree, like any other fresh graduate, the choice is split between two things, get a good master degree or get a good job. I chose the latter because my father said so. Then gone the dream. Sometimes, I feel that I might waste time for nothing. But I know it wasn’t nothing. I get up every day, giving my best, living the life. Sometimes, I don’t fancy the job, but it pays the bill, and I’m happy for whole other reasons. There are times that I wasn’t though, but I can keep it up. I always know that I can make it work.
As I grow up, there are many questions about what makes people happy, what makes them satisfied, and fulfilled. In terms of job, life, relationship, etc. I always find that it’s overrated to be questioned that kind of things. I’m easily happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. I don’t want to regret a thing, whether it’s a whole bunch of mistakes or a disappointment. But if there is one thing I want to have more of, is selfishness.
I can’t choose between getting a master degree and my father’s opinion. I can’t choose between working somewhere remote and get paid well or stay behind in home and settled with one job. I can’t choose between providing for my family or get broke and started the business I wanted. If I have a little bit more selfishness, I might choose the other and live a different life. But I didn’t and I won’t.
Sometimes, it is tempting to always prioritize yourself more. Hop on a train to somewhere else. Eating like there’s tomorrow. Buy something out of curiosity. But then, someone else or something else matters more than that. That’s when I realized, maybe my life is not that bad. Compromising a lot of things and trying to make it work in a small way. It won’t prolonged my life, but at least, I know I’ve made the right decisions, for me.
We live in fast rotating worlds, walking in a fast lane. Sometimes, maybe you should slow down a bit, and asking about what are the things you want to be remembered of. It was hard at first, to find out that maybe, I might miss a lot of opportunities in my short life. But then, we value different things in life and it may change every single year. Things that I really wanted 5 years ago maybe does not relevant with me anymore. Each of us will take different paths somewhere along the way and it’s totally okay to choose a different one each and everytime. I hope, it will be one hell of a ride for you :)
Seoul.
February 26, 2016.
Color Is Not Colored
Few days ago, me and my sister passed a mother who tried to teach her child about colors by showing him a couple of color cards and matching it with some objects in a picture book. My sister, who is impatient by nature, immediately mumbled that it will be hard work to teach child about colors, number, and any base knowledge about life. That kind of knowledge set are already rooted in the back of our head so planted it in another person’s life will be a big challenge. Afterall, red will be red and blue will be blue.
It’s actually interesting. That set of knowledge is, what I think, what limit us from thinking differently. The statement of ‘Red will be red’ suddenly ends the question marks and the curiosity. Why shouldn’t Red be Yellow or Orange be White? Why is Red named Red afterall?
Few months ago, I stumbled upon an amazing creation, A nameless paint. It’s amazing to think about what possibilities can be made by not assigning any names to a paint. Will red be named Cherry Lips? Or yellow be named Sunshine Kiss? I personally would love to see curious children named Green by Traumatic Veggies :3
I tried to take black and white pictures once.
They are crisp and show a lot of emotion.
They are shown you in brightest night and muted noon.
But I cried then.
I don’t see you in the brightest dress and muted face.
I don’t see you behind the perfect hue blue lake and the contrast orange sky.
Color is not colored.
Tentang Cinta dan Kata
(gambar diambil dari sini)
Untuk film yang “terlihat” dibuat untuk nostalgia, Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? 2 adalah dilema. Dilema karena penonton tidak akan pernah marah ketika kedua karakternya dipaksa bertemu lagi atas kebetulan yang semu. Dilema karena banyak adegannya dipaksa mengkontradiksi banyak adegan klise. Dilema karena turut serta semesta dipaksa memberi campur tangan. Dilema karena kami memang rindu. Dilema karena aktingnya seluruh pemainnya sangat natural. Dilema karena Cinta dan Rangga adalah harga mati.
Pada akhirnya, sayapun mentoleransi banyak hal yang ada di film ini. Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? 2 adalah film Indonesia pertama yang saya tonton dua kali di bioskop :))
Di antara semua dilema tentang film ini, ada satu hal yang sangat saya syukuri. Puisi dan sastra sempat menjadi poros film Ada Apa Dengan Cinta?. Kala itu, banyak Rangga dan Cinta baru tercipta. Mereka mulai membaca sastra Indonesia dan menulis lirik dan paragraf berima tentang cinta dan kehidupan. Banyak yang sinis karena mereka tampak seperti penonton bola karbitan, tapi bukankah semua orang harus mulai di suatu tempat?
Walau bukan menjadi fokus utama film Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? 2, tapi puisi-puisi Rangga menjadi nilai tambah film ini. Buku puisi Aan Mansyur yang berjudul Tidak Ada New York Hari Ini, sempat terjual habis di berbagai platform online dan kata-kata dalam Bahasa tiba-tiba kembali hadir di dunia.
Ketika platform social media semakin banyak merebak, satu-satunya yang saya sesali adalah semua platform tersebut seakan menggantikan fungsi sharing blog. Saya sempat kesal karena semua terasa semakin instan. Banyak teman-teman yang dulu sering menulis di blog, tiba-tiba hanya sempat bercerita tentang makanannya hari itu atau menulis sebaris kalimat tentang film yang baru mereka tonton. Saya paham fungsi masing-masing social media, tapi saya hanya ingin membaca lebih banyak hati dan pemikiran.
Saya ingin berharap lebih banyak, bahwa masih banyak kata-kata yang mengaduh untuk ditumpahkan. Masih banyak tulisan indah yang menunggu untuk menggugah. Saya tidak sabar untuk membaca lebih banyak. Saya tidak sabar untuk kembali jatuh cinta kepada kata dan Cinta.
PS: Baca juga review Puty tentang Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? 2 di sini.