What We Cannot Get Back

February 18, 2026 by Prisanti Leave a comment

(It is 2026, but let me document these days like it was 2006 all over again.)

Earlier this year, a whole bunch of people jumped on board a 10-year train back to 2016. Some of them were saying it was AI training to see how 10 years can affect your face. But I couldn’t care less.

Personally for me, I will never forget what happened in 2016. I remember, 10 years ago everything changed drastically for me.

I was laid off from my company. I started freelancing and took my business full time. I took several corporate jobs after that year, but not for a long period of time. It was always short-term contracts.

To be honest, I always wanted to work from home (even though that time, I didn’t know how to do that), because somehow my commute to work always took up 4-6 hours per day. It was a long, long hour that I cannot get back. It was a true definition of “tua di jalan”.

At that time, I didn’t think it was political. I just thought people were selfish for not using public transportation. What a fool I was. 10 years later, I saw what selfishness really meant. They showcase the whole thing on news and national television for us to see. Our (supposed to be) leaders and his cronies, they eat and eat and keep eating our soul. They took a lot of our time that we cannot get back. Filling their endless stomach and desire.

10 years of pain. 10 years of greed. Actually, it wasn’t only 10 years. They have always been there, for all this time. Sucking our souls, forcing us to waste our time. Time that we cannot get back.

This is what it is.

July 20, 2025 by Prisanti Leave a comment

This past week, I cannot stop writing. Short notes. A paragraph. Sometimes, it is only 2-3 sentences long. It doesn’t have a title. It doesn’t even finish its own sentences. But one thing for sure, I have so much on my plate, and I feel that I could explode if I didn’t write it down. I know it won’t reach anyone, but these words flow out of nowhere. It swam far enough to reach the surface of my brain and the tip of my fingers.

What is hope anyway, when it keeps being broken?
Why write a thing when it doesn’t ring or rhyme?

I guess I live long enough knowing it is the only thing to do to keep the hope alive.

Lost in Thoughts

May 15, 2025 by Prisanti Leave a comment

My day got mixed up (again). I cannot set the priorities right (again). All my deadlines were missed (again). I don’t know what to do anymore (and it kept repeating).

And there she goes again, checking out unnecessary things on the internet. Things that will be tossed aside when it’s unwrapped.

Juggling things, when will it end?

Headache, when will it stop?

My worry, when will it disappear?

What a Time to be Alive

April 1, 2025 by Prisanti Leave a comment

This year, I celebrated Eid in confusion. I bet many of you felt the same. In times when economic and political tension was at stake, I was forced to feel joy. Unable to breathe, I need to meet people with smiley faces. Despite all the warm feelings inside of me, I also feel rage and despair. I didn’t know how to react; I didn’t have the time to process all those feelings. So, I bundled it up. Keeping it aside for a while.

I don’t know about you, but I feel guilty to be able to have spare money to buy new books. To be able to cook meat and other proteins. I feel guilt because I was able to enjoy comfort while others lost their income due to the unstable economy.

The laws are bent, the policymakers are held hostage, and the government is silent. They said everything is alright. The sun is shining like it is supposed to be.

In other lands, the Palestinians lost their home, their organs, and their loved ones. What could I do in order to stop all the atrocity and the injustice? I keep asking the same question and pray for an answer. Until now, I’ve never found one.

What I can do is get up every day. Doing my best, juggling things, and writing some useless lines of words. Hoping that someday, it will light up someone else’s lines of words. Maybe yours.

May we always have hope and help each other.

Konsumsi Tak Berkesudahan

March 11, 2025 by Prisanti Leave a comment

Aku ingin sekali menulis ini sejak lama, tapi aku selalu merasa tidak punya kapasitas untuk bicara banyak karena tidak punya background atau pengetahuan yang luas tentang ini. But, it’s been boiling in my head and I cannot seem to let it go. So, let’s write it.

Kalau ada satu hal yang sangat teringat dari buku The Vegetarian yang ditulis Han Kang, buatku salah satunya adalah tentang over-consumption atau konsumsi berlebih. Di mana manusia sepertinya tidak pernah berhenti dipaksa untuk mengonsumsi berbagai macam hal. Dikelabui untuk terus membeli dan dibuat berkeinginan untuk terus menerus memiliki sesuatu. Hal ini sepertinya terus didukung dengan tren unboxing, shopping haul, dll.

The other day, I watched someone unbox a make-up box with princess style worth 10 or 20 million titled “my childhood dream”. I stopped in the middle of the video; why should I give such attention to this type of content? What would I feel after watching this? Do I want it too? Should I also make my childhood dream come true of buying something I finally can afford? Do I support this kind of thing? Atau “Ya udahlah, itu kan uang dia juga, ngapain diurusin”? Banyak hal yang berkecamuk di kepalaku tapi pada akhirnya bermuara pada “ya udahlah”.