Aku ingin baca lebih banyak lagi.
Melahap deretan paragraf dan menyendoki tiap kata.
Yang bercerita dengan rasa getir dan menyayat hati.
Kadang, lembarannya terasa manis. Membuat rindu dan berdebar.
Kadang, ia kelebihan garam. Berakhir tragis dengan suntingan yang patah-patah.
Bisa juga ia masam, kemudian ditinggalkan bertahun-tahun. Untuk kemudian diburu lagi, demi rasanya.
Semerbak halamannya dan warna-warni sampulnya.
Disajikan sabar, lewat banyak tangan dan banyak tahapan memasak.
Untuk dihidangkan dengan nikmat, dalam senyap atau hingar bingar.
Diantar lewat kurir atau dijemput di toko, sesuai takdir.
Aku ingin makan lebih banyak lagi, buku-buku ini.
Menanti Pulang
Menyeret langkah kaki dengan lelah dan keringat.
Menanti pulang.
Segelas air putih. Segayung air hangat. Kecup di pipi. Senyum dan pelukan erat.
Yang dinanti di penghujung hari.
Malam ini, perjalanan pulang terasa lebih jauh.
Besi beradu. Bising dan debu.
Tangis pecah. Kaki lemah. Resah.
Sahabat, adik, rekan kerja, Ibu.
Menanti kabar baik.
Kali terakhir ini, perjalanan pulang terasa lebih jauh.
Menanti yang tidak lagi ada.
What We Cannot Get Back
(It is 2026, but let me document these days like it was 2006 all over again.)
Earlier this year, people jumped on a 10-year train back to 2016. Some of them were saying it was actually a conspiracy of AI training to see how 10 years can affect your face, but I couldn’t care less.
Personally, I will never forget what happened in 2016. 10 years ago everything changed drastically for me. I was laid off from my company. I started freelancing and took my business full-time. I took several corporate jobs after that year, but never for a long period of time. It was always short-term contracts.
To be honest, I’ve always wanted to work from home (even though at that time, I didn’t know how to do that) because somehow my commute to work always took up more than 6 hours a day. It was a long, long hour that I cannot get back. It was a true definition of “tua di jalan”.
At that time, I didn’t think it was political. I just thought people were selfish for not using public transportation and buying another vehicle on top another vehicle. What a fool I was.
10 years later, I saw what selfishness really meant. They showcase the whole thing on news and national television for us to see. Our (supposed to be) leaders and his cronies eat and keep eating our souls. Filling their endless stomach and desire. By doing that, they also took a lot of our time, our ages.
10 years of pain. 10 years of greed.
But then again, it wasn’t only 10 years. They have always been there, for all this time. Sucking our souls, forcing us to waste our time. Time that we cannot get back.
This is what it is.
This past week, I cannot stop writing. Short notes. A paragraph. Sometimes, it is only 2-3 sentences long. It doesn’t have a title. It doesn’t even finish its own sentences. But one thing for sure, I have so much on my plate, and I feel that I could explode if I didn’t write it down. I know it won’t reach anyone, but these words flow out of nowhere. It swam far enough to reach the surface of my brain and the tip of my fingers.
What is hope anyway, when it keeps being broken?
Why write a thing when it doesn’t ring or rhyme?
I guess I live long enough knowing it is the only thing to do to keep the hope alive.
Lost in Thoughts
My day got mixed up (again). I cannot set the priorities right (again). All my deadlines were missed (again). I don’t know what to do anymore (and it kept repeating).
And there she goes again, checking out unnecessary things on the internet. Things that will be tossed aside when it’s unwrapped.
Juggling things, when will it end?
Headache, when will it stop?
My worry, when will it disappear?