We make the questions in the back of our head.

With endless whine and tireless complaints.

We shout to the mountains and it echoes.

We shout to the sea and it swallowed by the wave.

We shout to the sky and it disappears between wind and other noises.

Only few whispered in tender voices,

to the right place.

You’d be lucky if you’re one of them.

As the sun settles and the moon hides, there’s a time where the mirror alive for a split second.

Attracting visitor, who is looking something in themselves.

Unable to tell what’s the same or what’s different.

Only searching for another, which is either missing or not yet to be discovered.

There are new visitors tonight.

Weird looking.

Dumb founded.

But all of them are the same.

Lost.

I think I saw them before from where I was from.

Tonight, we’re not raising any glass or celebrating new adventures.

Tonight, we’re here to search.

Until the night becomes bright and all souls become lights.

Tonight, we’re nothing than a hollow.

Wishing to find one another in this depth-less mirror.

We live in a noisy world.

And we always try to make sound barrier. With the earphones and our own music station. We distant ourselves with the crowd. The sources of whole other noises. The sound of tickling clock, dripping water, stopping car, walking people. As we left the world to other dimension, we might forget that we still step on one.

Cocktail Party effect is the ability to let your ear focused on a single voice in a room full of background noises. It’s the same with every other things, you only want to hear what you want to hear.

It’s scientific.

It’s philosophic.

It’s religious.

It makes sense.

The only silence you’ll ever got, it’s the loneliest time you’ll ever had.

She might have yelled at me again.

She tried not to all the time or the last time, but I keep screwing things up. Last month, when I forgot to pay the electricity bill. Last week, when I forgot to change the light bulb on our porch. Actually, it was 2 weeks ago. Our home was in complete dark for two damn weeks. She gave a damn, our neighbours gave damn, and I feel like she judged me for not giving it a damn. Well, in fact, I give a damn.

I just keep forgetting to change the damn light bulb.

If it is not because the accounting guy that keep chasing me up about the report a month ago. It’s not my fault that the damn intern “accidentally” typed the extra damn zero. I mean, I finished my school earlier than everybody in the room. Do i seem like a guy who gives a damn mistake like that? The project guy finished his degree in a mere 5.5 years and yet, he’s getting more than what the company pays me every month. A 43% difference in salary receipt made me give a damn.

Oh well, that’s another story and I’m still driving in the middle of the night. A report that comes 30 minutes before 5 o’clock means a damn overtime. And the company was not really sure that the lack of 43% difference will give me some damn.

She might have yelled at me again.

For coming late. For not bringing her a pumpkin soup she’s been craving for weeks. For not buying the soap, the toothpaste, and the damn light bulb for our bathroom. Oh well, another light bulb situation.

For not being there. 

That’s actually another tale and I might not be here to tell the whole story in my point of view.

I know she might be disappointed and it seems that I can’t help myself to make some damn excuses. To make myself feel better. Trying to make her think that I’m not completely wrong on this case, or any other cases. I don’t know if it is a curse or just pure coincidence, that I keep screwing things up. But then, it might be just me being a damn jerk.

The hazel sky and all the skyscrapers.
You barely remember you’re even there.
There is a time that you’re being conscious of the reason you’re in at first.
There is a realization that we might get a hold of this all.
The repetition and the fear.
The fear of every little things and some bigger ones.

There is no mountain high enough, you repeat that to yourself.
Much enough that you forget what’s the meaning behind all the encouragement.
And start a new day.
Maybe the same day.
In constant replay.

We might get a hold of this all, you repeat that to yourself.
This time you’re not sure what’s the meaning behind it all.
But you keep showing up every day.
Maybe it’s a sign that you aware of all the blessing.
Maybe it’s a sign of not knowing how to feel about it all.
Yet, we are here.
Showing up.
In constant replay.