I Miss Her This Morning

I miss her this morning. This particular morning, where I find peace with other floating things in universe. Finding myself between million conversation and gazillion collision, of life and death.

I don’t know how to greet her nor guessing what conversation that we will be having. Years ago, maybe I’d pick up my guitar and burst into Oasis’ She Is Love. But I grew up, I’ve been to some places and met many people. She did too. She ain’t love anymore. I just miss her terribly.

I never wonder if she ever thinks the same way. She won’t. I know every inch of her thoughts and I probably know why she left me. But I don’t hold anything against her, I know her. I’m just hoping she’ll ever find someone to settle her in.

Someday, somewhere.

I miss her this morning. This particular morning where everything collide on the perfect order, creating mere conspiracy of the chance of holding her again. For just a second before she’s being her, and I’d go on with my terrible lying of loneliness.

Maybe I’m just being sentimental. Maybe there’s really something between me and her that is still hiding between those days. Those silent days that suddenly become years, and I don’t know whether I will ever see her again.

I want to see you.

And you’ll know that’d be the last conversation we’ll ever had.

On Being 27

(Read from right to left)
The scene from 20th Century Boys by Urusawa Naoki. One of the greatest comic books ever written in history.

You know, for me, being 27 is quite something.

I don’t have any expectations nor wishes to get up here. But I’m there anyway. Still have the ability to smile, writing cheesy poem, making typo and grammar mistakes, taking bad angle pictures, as well as making several bad decisions. Hell, I am a total happiness!

And at my last birthday, I get the best present of all time.

See? The sun, the ocean, the earth, and all the colors beneath the sky. All of those, are the greatest present a person can get. I got to be alive and nothing can top it all (I guess it is the same gift every year, but I don’t know why it’s just getting better all the time).

My father and I are quite alike. We made bad decisions all the time. We rubbed some people the wrong way all the time. But when we get a chance to do one thing that we can do best, we give all the thing and poured a lot of heart to it. Little by little, over time, I realize what I can do best. And it is to love.

I love, when I love. Because I’ll never run of it.

I was wrong about achievement and envying about what people got. You already know how I really wanted to make a dream machine. I just realized, that somehow ,I tried to be a good example that will make people ‘get inspired’ because of me. But that inspiring kind of thing maybe is not my forte. I don’t have any respected talent to go along anyway. I don’t deserve staying under spotlight, because I’m never get used to. And if there is one who should be under the spotlight, it is you. Maybe I’m not destined to make a dream machine, because I am that dream machine. And you are the dream.

May you got all the falling stars tonight, beautiful nightmares. Thanks for giving me a chance to ever cross your day :)

The Silver Lining of October

What’s the catch of last month?

Ayuningtyas Putri Prahesty’s Wedding.

She finally wed and Ayu is just the prettiest Javanese bride I’ve ever seen. It is sad that the number of people attending wedding shrink little by little, but the silver lining of it, everyone is busy running life they wanted and I hope, it is for the greater good.

Liza Aprilia’s Wedding

I thought, Liza is the last person who I would have seen getting married this quick. But then again, I’m happy for her. She loves adventure and I’d hope she’ll get lot of it by getting married to… what? Her 8 years boyfriend? That’s quite an achievement. And the thing about their wedding that I admire a lot that they pay all of it without their parents’ involvement. An honorable decision that I will remember forever.

On Going to Bali

I bought a plane tickets to Bali (yes, finally!) and attended a colleague’s wedding. He let us came to his house to watch the ritual ceremony the day before the reception. It’s kind of new for me. His family let us took as many photos as we can as we watched closely to each step of the ceremonies and astonished to see how many offers spent to respect the ancestors.

Speaking on the rest of the journey, I let other’s arrange the itinerary and it is included a lot of beaches visit. You know, I hate beaches. I didn’t enjoy beach as much as I enjoy port or the ocean. I didn’t swim, I didn’t dive, what I did? Parasailing. Read more

Evil

Evil takes force in many faces. Bright colors, beautiful wonders, awesome shapes. They lurk and slip where it fitted. Waiting and calming.

Lie isn’t always the opposite of the truth. And the truth is not always right.

Dance, pretty liar. You know it will always come back to you.

Live awesomely, pretty face. You know somehow, someone will notice your nature.

And pretty liar dances gracefully, laugh carefully. Yet, life is so many things. I believe, you will be alright and one of those night, you’ll learn to forgive yourself. The problem with any other people will always be history. One of those night, they will learn to forgive themselves too.