I think I’ve lost count to how many nights I’ve been spending in this hospital. Yet, here I am again, lying down on a thin blanket on the floor. Awake, waiting for the day to change. I’m not fond of the hospital room, but weirdly enough it’s been a second home for these past months. I don’t know whether it’s a cry for help or another sentimental night. My eyes got tired and I think I’ve broken my body with not enough sleep and lack of nutrition. I gulp down vitamins to keep me awake, but my mind was slowly broken.

Will we ever recover from this? Will we ever survive this?

I don’t know how to contain fear in a small jar and wrap it into the glittering world of happiness. I don’t know how to stay sane in the world of small thoughts and conspiracies. Yet, we continue breathing in and out on this entire space of beams and fast lane. Taking all odds, catching favors, grabbing lights and stars, living the farthest our eyes can reach.

This has been a good rest. After all, we are always better than we think we are. Let’s hit play and survive this.

​I wish I could write more, so the anxiety and the sadness will fly away.

​But the world has been busy.

​I tried to stay on the loop,

​only to feel more tired.

​There are more words I want to let go of.

​But it stays between the ticking clock.

​I wish I could stay awake longer, so I won’t miss anything along the way.

​I need more time.

​But the world has been busy.

Maybe we failed to understand what the sound was all about.

Maybe we failed you for believing false hope.

Or maybe you failed us by releasing the anger and the confidence.

Yet we know there’s something about you that will never fade.

Through hundreds of wavelength, sending thousands of message.

To us, for you.

The few first steps are always the scariest.

The few last steps are always the hardest.

You have both opportunities today.

Please stay warm.

With tired eyes and shaking legs, we long for a destined future.

The skyscrapers and the crawling men.

The structural societies and the struggling families.

We’re trapped in the moment, figuring out the way to balance the confusion, hatred, and jealousy.

Forgetting compassion and not giving enough love for ourselves.

The appropriate amount of love.

The right kind of love.

Until you all find it, let’s try to give this excessive love to each other.

Di perjalanan menjadi tua, kita membuang satu persatu mimpi dan mentoleransi realita.

Entah yang ada di depan mata atau jauh di seberang.

Melewati keramaian, bertemu dengan suara hati.

Berusaha mendengarkan yang sayup.

Yang perlahan tiada.

Apa kemudian kita larut dalam cerita ini?

Dan menjadi para pemeran dalam tiga babak pendek.

Yang lembar demi lembarnya koyak dan tak punya arah.