Lenyap Ditelan Warna

Ketika masih duduk di bangku SMP, saya terobsesi dengan segala hal tentang Jepang. Mulai dari anime, manga, dan kebudayaan Jepang. Biaya penggunaan internet masih sangat mahal saat itu. Ada suatu ketika di mana saya melambungkan tagihan telepon rumah sehingga orang tua saya melarang saya menggunakan komputer. Tapi di antara puluhan manga scan dan fanfiction, di antara berita-berita absurd seputar Jepang, untuk pertama kalinya saya melihat sebuah ruangan putih yang lenyap ditelan warna.

The Obliteration Room yang merupakan karya Yayoi Kusama dipamerkan pertama kali di Queensland Art Gallery pada tahun 2002. Saya bahkan tidak ingat siapa seniman yang sedang dibicarakan, tapi saya merasakan sesuatu yang baru. Melihat bagaimana manusia bereaksi pada sesuatu merupakan hal yang menarik bagi saya sejak kecil. Sehingga melihat ruangan dimana barang-barang rumah tangga dicat serupa untuk kemudian ‘dilenyapkan’ dalam timbunan bulatan warna-warni adalah suatu hal yang merangsang rasa keingintahuan saya.

Pengetahuan saya tentang Kusama maupun karya-karyanya tumbuh seiring waktu. Labu raksasa, bintik-bintik kuning, bola-bola perak, ruangan gelap yang bersinar warna-warni. Dan suatu ketika, karya Kusama terus menerus muncul di halaman muka media sosial yang saya miliki. Saya melihat antrian panjang dan bagaimana orang-orang berfoto di depan karya Kusama. Mereka menempelkan bulatan warna-warni di wajahnya, di depan ruangan putih dan barang-barang rumah tangga yang dicat putih. Ruangan yang sama dengan ruangan yang pernah saya lihat di depan layar tabung di suatu kamar gelap di suatu sore. Ruangan putih yang lenyap ditelan warna.

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The Course

I need you to stay warm.
Because the night is long and we need to survive it.
The road might be a little hard to handle, but we will need to try harder.
That’s why I need you to keep walking.

It looks like we’re all alone in this thick fog, but don’t worry it too much.
Others are struggling on this course as much as we are.
That’s why we need to endure it for a little more.

After this, the dawn might greet us.
And we’ll see the brighter side of each other.
Under the rose-pink lighted sky.
Between our smiles.

After Last Night

I don’t really remember you, or the rest of your story.
I don’t know your name, nor the direction you’re headed on the way home.
After last night,
I might waste myself on the couch again through the weekend.
Not getting excited about the idea of Monday.
I don’t really remember you, but what is this feeling of longing.
Distracting and bothering.
(I thought,)
I don’t really remember you.

Late Night Radio Broadcast #4

Under this rain, I want to comfort you tonight.

I can’t give you a hug, nor a warm blanket and a box of tissue.
But I’m trying, with these voices within this wavelength.
Would you let me come through?
To your pain and the headache.
To your tears and the heartache.

Tonight I want to ask you.
Are we enough for ourselves?
Or we need others to prove our validity and value?
We might not find the answer right now, but let’s find the strength to search it.
In our daily life, between our blank stares to the sky and the sea of people.

Here comes the last song,
the rhythm of peace and forgiveness.
To ourselves.
(I always want to say this to myself.)
Let’s not sacrifice today’s happiness for distant tomorrow.

PS: More of Late Night Radio Broadcast series can be found here.