//November 11, 2010//

“Wanita dijajah pria, sejak dulu.”

The line is a bastard.

Despite how many times we cursed at the song, it is still represented the life that we stepped into everyday. Kartini once made the difference, burning the spirit of independent woman to take a fight. Her struggles paid off. The book “Habis Gelap Terbitlah Terang” was still printed back to back, her birthday decorated the calendar, reminiscent of a constant fight that she brought that time. But the discrimination to woman is still continued to this time. It is not a complete annihilation of the discrimination. It is a lie when people said there is none because some were just a formality, and some were just an understanding. Some job vacancy required male and male only. It is resulted some other perspectives about not giving the same chances to both gender. On my real perspective, there’s thing that belongs to a man. Carry heavy things, cleaning the ceiling, fixing the TV antenna and plumbing. It doesn’t mean woman can’t do that, but the society prefers man to do that. But those things the man had to do are nothing closer comparing to what we have to go through. We don’t need to proof that we are stronger, because in fact, we already are. Woman overcome PMS, get pregnant, and give birth. What else you need to proof? While the most painful thing man has to get through is getting circumcision besides, they’re getting paid by doing it.

Some while ago, I read this amazing, mind-blowing idea about marriage and relationship on the edition of Weekender.

“Soulmate, life partner, spouse, our better half: Call it what you will, but except for the misanthropes among us, most of us are looking for that special someone who will, in the sap of romantic novelists the world over, completed us.”

Editor’s note of Weekender August 2009 edition, Bruce Emond

Some people called themselves solitary, but in fact there’s no one could be called by the words itself. You watch TV, you read the newspaper, you eat at the nearby shop, and suddenly you’re not a solitary. For our lonely soul, there’s always a place for those significant other. The place is open, on the right time and for the right one. The frequently asked question is, when and who?

Every little girl dreamt for a wedding, at least once. Like all the fairytale lied to us, for living happily ever after. We grow up by those fairytales that we found later on, were too good to be true. We saw Lady Di and Prince Charles walked down the aisle, with long magnificent white dress that we still admired until this day. But fortunately, I grew up by the books of prophets and Indonesian fairytales, where Nabi Muhammad was married to a widow and Sangkuriang fell in love with his mother. I didn’t grow up by the idea of having fairy godparents and a kiss from a prince. I didn’t believe in love or whatsoever it is called. I know my parents are in love, that I was being born after my big sister and later on, my little sister. But, I’m always a stubborn one, I wouldn’t believing things I didn’t experience myself. So, I grew the idea of being single. For forever more.

I listed my soon-to-be-journey I would get to. Living on VW Combi and travelling around the world. Going to Japan and seeing Pokémon Centre. Being an astronaut. Volunteering to India and Africa, on a camp refugee playing with the children. I was proud to be called a feminist and I believe the idea of strong independent woman that still rocks on when they hit 30s, 40s or even 50s. The one who prior to career and decided to give up everything. I believed that when women get married, it is the end of everything. The skyrocketed dreams we build up would collapse, and we trapped to a sad life called household. Besides, I have an aunty living in Canada. She’s 40s, she’s going abroad, and she seems happy. So, I started to plan the life like she has. The sad truth is I’ve never becoming an astronaut, and I haven’t got my driving license. And the saddest truth is, I fell in love.

I’ve never asked the question of when and who. I just knew I fell in love, and yes, it is blinded. I fell hard and when the relationship didn’t work out, I fell harder, literally. The fact is deep inside, people always want those happily ever after. I’ve never been on a relationship that based on something I don’t want to last. So when I fell in love for the second time, I want it to last forever. It all changed down my perspective of living alone. Living on the riverside of a jungle in the middle of nowhere is going to be a last year dream. I list new dreams that involved someone besides me. The dreams are never going to change who I am. I still love punk rock, dreaming about United Nation, wanting to write children book stories and longing to go to Pokémon Centre. I’m just thankful to have a person who visions the same thing as I do. Visioning things we would get later, together. Yes, it is sappy when people said, ‘I’ and ‘you’ changed to ‘us’. Uh-oh, it’s just crappy whether it is the reality checked.

I’ve never called my dreams to be a career or a job. I don’t believe the quote that said“Your job isn’t your career”, despite many people have told me the line. So, the dreams will always be on top of my priority list, I don’t see anyone distracted it with their existence. Besides, someone who ruins your dreams might not be a right person for you. I mean, if he/she tries to forbid you to achieve things, he/she might just be an obstacle you get to go through. Now, I’m not single and I’m happy. I don’t oppose the choices of being single. If it is the only way to make you happy, then don’t ever try to back up. But as the previous statement I wrote, accepting someone to enter your life is not the end of the successful dreams you’re once dreamt of.

Despite any previous statement I wrote, the line of “Wanita dijajah pria, sejak dulu.” is still a bastard until now. Although the song is followed by the line

“Namun adakala pria tak berdaya. Tekuk lutut di sudut kerling wanita.”,

we still have to fight about it.

 

//November 09, 2010//

One question often appears on some beauty pageant contest, “If you could change one thing from your life, what would it be?”. The repeated question appears couple of times on the following events, with the same dictate answer. “Nothing”, so they said. The truth is, people rarely satisfied with their present life, the past, or the so called future they will had. The “what-if” aren’t an easy popped-up thoughts to deal with. Followed by regrets and remorse. The sad truth is time machine doesn’t exist. Nor the time traveler, and the time paradox, or whatever it’s called out. Back to the Future is just only classic movies, packed in racks. Every time, the clock is ticking and the earth is still rotating. Oh, time is such a bastard.

Flew back in time as a child, what do you do when you don’t have any direction to go? When you still couldn’t even think what choices really are. You followed orders, that your parents guided you to. You chose the choices that made for you. The choices are vary. Universities, majors, careers, working places, girlfriend/boyfriend, hobbies, etc. Some were choices you admit what a brilliant idea later on, and some were just ambitious choices that didn’t click with any veins inside of you. A child is a young and fragile soul. The wanderer who travels through constant maze, hope to find a right path, and somewhat destiny to be found later. The truth is, are you really a product of choices made by yourself? Or are you just some marionette with strings from home?

Every one of us is a child, with biological parents or physical godparents. Every child has basic instinct to two things. One, go to heaven and two, making your parents proud/happy. Refers to the first sentence, obviously all of us want to make others proud, especially our parents. So, we seek chances, references, experiences, and all things they haven’t done before. In a serial of way, we’re still trying to fulfill the same goal. Some child is using the traditional path. Followed their role-model, they become a miniature of their parents. Lawyer will have the son that will become a lawyer, doctor will have a son that will become a doctor, same almamater, same career, etc. The drama is repeated, maybe for some next generations. Some child is using the alternative ways, they aim higher. Life for them is like a talent contest, achieving something is what they called a winner. Scholarship aboard, highest GPA, olympic science competition, oil and gas company, the obvious targets. Some other child is just stubborn, and they tend to use the rebellious ways. After a series of unexpected unsatisfied choices their parents have made to them, they started to stop using the choices. Some were going nowhere, abusive drug use, detention from school, failed grades, others bad choices. Some were good enough, started playing in bands/soccer teams/clothing line/magazines, get famous, going on tours, others serial of good choices.

But the worst of all is the child using the silent ways, the most suffering ways. They were good enough to use the traditional ways, followed orders and stuff. They were great enough to use the alternatives ways, achieving things beyond beliefs. So, what’s the deal? They remain silent when it comes to choices, because deep down inside, they’re longing for the rebellious ways. In the world when silence isn’t golden anymore, they keep doing what the proverb said. Suffering, wanting other choices, their own choices.

On the parents perspective is all the same. They want us, the child, to be better than they already were. Admit it, they live longer than we do. They might cursed time more than we were, they might dealt with series of remorse much more than we had. All that they want is simply, be better, make them happy, and make you happy. When the definition of happiness for both sides is started to blur, are the choices is still matter?

Silence isn’t golden anymore. I’m not better than any of you but I know words are sharp, it can cuts and make others bleed. Advise is might be not what you seek, but let’s do the talking. Sit down face to face, without breaking things or burning down the house. Action speaks louder than talks they said, but this time, the talk is the action. So, speaks louder. Regretting and complaining will get you nowhere. Because after this time, you’ll do the choices by yourself. Marriage, finance, another child, and those reality things you have to deal with. Be prepare, young and fragile one.

PS:
Yes, I’m not better than any of you, nor my parents, or sisters. I’m started walking either in the alternatives and rebellious ways. But the last time I reality checked myself, I talked to my parents about things, and started crying and threw things. After some time, I know they’re just longing for my happiness. Here I am, making friends with those choices. Still confused, still wandered around. So, what have you done to yourself?