This past week, I cannot stop writing. Short notes. A paragraph. Sometimes, it is only 2-3 sentences long. It doesn’t have a title. It doesn’t even finish its own sentences. But one thing for sure, I have so much on my plate, and I feel that I could explode if I didn’t write it down. I know it won’t reach anyone, but these words flow out of nowhere. It swam far enough to reach the surface of my brain and the tip of my fingers.

What is hope anyway, when it keeps being broken?
Why write a thing when it doesn’t ring or rhyme?

I guess I live long enough knowing it is the only thing to do to keep the hope alive.

My day got mixed up (again). I cannot set the priorities right (again). All my deadlines were missed (again). I don’t know what to do anymore (and it kept repeating).

And there she goes again, checking out unnecessary things on the internet. Things that will be tossed aside when it’s unwrapped.

Juggling things, when will it end?

Headache, when will it stop?

My worry, when will it disappear?

This year, I celebrated Eid in confusion. I bet many of you felt the same. In times when economic and political tension was at stake, I was forced to feel joy. Unable to breathe, I need to meet people with smiley faces. Despite all the warm feelings inside of me, I also feel rage and despair. I didn’t know how to react; I didn’t have the time to process all those feelings. So, I bundled it up. Keeping it aside for a while.

I don’t know about you, but I feel guilty to be able to have spare money to buy new books. To be able to cook meat and other proteins. I feel guilt because I was able to enjoy comfort while others lost their income due to the unstable economy.

The laws are bent, the policymakers are held hostage, and the government is silent. They said everything is alright. The sun is shining like it is supposed to be.

In other lands, the Palestinians lost their home, their organs, and their loved ones. What could I do in order to stop all the atrocity and the injustice? I keep asking the same question and pray for an answer. Until now, I’ve never found one.

What I can do is get up every day. Doing my best, juggling things, and writing some useless lines of words. Hoping that someday, it will light up someone else’s lines of words. Maybe yours.

May we always have hope and help each other.