What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us, what we have done for others and the world remains and it is immortal.

~Albert Pike

Terima kasih telah memberi saya kesempatan untuk memulai. Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

It is hard to stay at the grey area. After 3 years since writing this piece, I still think being other is easier. It is easier to become Red, the mad one. Who always angry about anyone, anything, any place, throwing curse and being a bitch. It is easier to become Blue, the sad and the pessimist. Judging ourselves by minus and always feeling gloom. It is also easier to become Orange, the insulin. Being the vitamin of the day, giving smile and spreading happiness. It is easier to become green, the nurture. Telling people that it is great becoming yourself and it’s not necessary to become hipster as long as you love yourself. Though Grey gives you the mature and thoughtful vibe, I still pity people who stay being one.

Lately, when my friends change their status to become an employee, I often hear whining that say working days is just a repetition of boring things, over and over again. But you see, routine shouldn’t kill you. It is up to you to make your day meaningful or not. And finally I have my own (or do I always have it?). I fail to get my post graduate degree (at least for now) and I can’t take any internship on some UN organizations, but I still want to take my part.  So, here’s my step.

First: Indonesia.

Next: The universe.

PS: Good luck for the seminar, Ijul :D

Reaching certain goals at some plans is a brilliantly awesome feeling. But this is the end of May, the 5th month. As for me, unlike its name, May should become a sign of awareness, where uncertainty should all be cleared up. So I could move to the next plan, or arranging plan B.

The truth is all my plans were beautifully ruined. It is such a relieved for me that I still can laugh about it and gladly accepted it all. For as long as I remember, I always thought about having a higher degree right after my graduation. But some widows are getting married, some are left behind, and some plan is meant to be failed. I didn’t take any post graduate application nor asked my lecturers to write me a recommendation letter. Instead, I jump to interview after interview, begging for a job. There’s a time, where everything seems so hard but then again I should thankful because May is really become a certain point where I really need to accept the fact that this is real life. Anything  just happened, for reason I can accept, or reason I swear I won’t understand. But it goes on.

For the past 5 months, I’ve been:

Applying to almost 100 jobs on various positions and companies (but some just random clicks :P). Going to almost 20 recruitment test. Broken my idealism, twice. Put an ad on newspaper and interviewed a lot of people (including some chefs that cooked real good pasta with a real herb, superb). Meeting a lot of new people, people I wish I could erase from my memories, people I hope would be my new best friend, or simply just, people. Buying 3 pairs of flat shoes in the same month recklessly. Jumping on a train. Attending my best friends’ graduation. Getting my driver’s license.

But above all that, I’m glad I’m still here. Spending time with my family has became something strange yet so special since I had left this home for 4.5 years. And yeah, I am now working as an engineer on some local EPC company. It is kind of weird because this is something I have never imagined before. But so far, the people are all nice, the office is super nice, and the job has been interesting. The best thing is, working for a local company had made things a lot better for a cynical person like me :P

So for the rest of the year, I’ve listed some of new goals I want to do. Arranging timeline is one of my best specialties  anyway (but I’m still trying hard to arrange a good financial saving plan) :D And though it’s kind of hard, I have to strike Paramore concert on the list. I guess going to a concert is just going to be my unreachable dream for the rest of my life. But I think I will still write ‘going to a concert’ to my ‘100 Things before I Die’ list.

PS: For friends, who just got their acceptance letter for Sekolah Pasca Sarjana ITB, or abroad scholarship program, congratulations! I guess I should high five you all the next time we meet :)

Lately, I’ve been reading so many books and articles, or people who gives me advice of the distant future. What do you see yourself in 5 years, the key to success, or how to arrange financial plan.

You know all these things made me freak out that one day I will lose all those, and cry to my lungs.

So I write.

I left the signature. So when one day someone told me that I’ve been changed, I will ask the past and whisper to the future. Hopefully, feeling better.

But we sat here. Talking like we used to be, side by side, by the side of the road. Dreaming, waiting the rain to stop pouring and wish it never stops. Nothing’s changed. So the dreams remains, and pain slowly faded. We’re not the one who decides, we’re just arranging timeline, dreaming about goals, and still wishing to fly.

PS: And unfortunately Indonesia lost to Denmark on semifinal of Sudirman Cup last night.

apa?

ini sepaket sederhana

…?

kamu