Though I always keep on smiling and try to hear Katy Perry’s Fireworks, the last weeks were so frustrated for me. I know things are going to get harder after this, and I thought I was ready. The pressure was so tight and it is the only time I wish I could Apparate like Harry. But luckily, I got my escape.

I walked on a trip. Trying to find out what’s there to left. Trying to find myself and all the reason why I still trying to take my idealism. Sometimes, I thought I got my answers, but then I re-run it again and found those are just reasons I made up. Then, I let myself contemplating. Through the fresh air and the slow people. Looking to bus schedule and some maps. Photographing charcoal.

Some say, people is never satisfied about what they have. But I found myself here, check listing none of above statement. I’ve never complained about the jammed Jakarta, or the heat of the street, the amount of sweat I have to endure, the crowded public transport (known as Kopaja/Metro :P). I’ve never get jealous about anybody’s salary, or the (famous) company they got into. I’ve always find myself thankful about everything I have, but then, I guess it’s never enough to compress the stress.

I know I’m still trying to catch the glimpse of distance future. But I just want to remember this laugh, this smile, and this moment. I want to enjoy today. I don’t care about anybody’s judgement, yeah (I wish) I don’t care about others.

Random shot, random people, random passanger’s hand, tapi minumnya tetap teh botol Sosro kotak :P

Btw, I recommend The Green Hornet. Though RottenTomatoes only gives them 46%, Gondry’s magical touch is not faded at all. It’s still laughable, lovable, and surely enjoyable. Review is here! Gosh, finally I write another review :D

Last week, when I got bored on my first day of internship, I made a tumblelog called ‘Hundred Reasons‘. I list down all the reason why I fall in love with someone. Things don’t matter, things do matter. But there’s a hesitation when I started the list. Does the list just something that I made out? To count down, moments? I know that moments is something that we better kept alone. Because the feeling of the moments remain, merrier than the one you share with anybody else. Then again, I keep questioning myself. Do I really need reason? Like to care about something, to love someone.

For an example. My first flower, which came at July 2010. You know, I pretty much believe that I want flower, like every girl does, but do I /need/ flower? I never liked it anyway. Like I said some couple of time, they all will be withered and die. Do you need something that’s not ever last? Then again, I keep questioning about those cliché phrase. The Rolling Stones song.

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you might find

You get what you need

Then I shot the idea down. I deleted the tumblelog, I stop the list. I’ve came down to the conclusion that I don’t need such foolish reason to really care about something.

The wants and the needs. Lately, question keep pops up through my head.  Do I really want to be white collar workers? Do I want a 7 to 5 routine? The need is tighter day by day, and test after test. Well, pretty much pressure from parents and friends. Last night, I got another phone call-another invitation. But this time, I feel fire. Something that I haven’t felt for a couple of times. So, let’s see what tomorrow brings. I believe, I have destiny to be fulfilled, now is the time to find myself. And yeah, I don’t really need good luck. Just some little pray ;)

By the time we say hello to Monday, it is the last day of The Mother—January.

Some quick random updates:

Now, I’m taking internship at some consultant company at Cikini. It’s just been a week and maybe I’ll tell the story later on. The traffic is so damn bad and when you read headlines like “Jalanan Jakarta Mengunci”, it is just a sign of later bad luck (sigh). Now I understand why the people on big city got their apathetic way of thinking. They’re busy taking care of themselves, they just don’t want taking extra credit to care about others. So yeah.

Here is my scenery for a day. The office located near the Cikini Station, so it is such usual experience to watch train passed my window every couple of minutes.

Though it takes 3 hours to get home, I guess I’m hanging on well. I love the people at TransJakarta, they’re different from one another. The polite lady who asks you to sit before them. The fashionista who doesn’t bother taking public transportation after shopping on Grand Indonesia, taking a plastic bag of brand clothes. The Japanese with mask, who is busy taking their business calls. It’s just a damn fun to really see many faces of Jakarta citizen.

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Remember the last time I said about how I got on Youth Leader and the whole online volunteering. It’s going pretty good and we’re just launching Our Priorities! You can check out the website here http://ourpriorities.youth-leader.org, then maybe subscribe to the Newsletter or sign some petitions. I should be excited about what we’re going to have next. We’ll be adding member from the Translation Team and later the website will be available in 12 languages.

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I’ve just watch Black Swan! After longing to see some Oscar material, I got a rare satisfaction this time. I watched it with my little sister last week, and our eyes were glued to the screen. That was a damn hell of a movie watching experience. We swear along time the movie, trying to figure it out what is it all about. Then at the end, we got an unspecific answer we’re seeking. And we’re just chilled when the credit rolls. By the way, all the movie poster are so incredibly beautiful.

So, how’s your January? Chinese New Year is coming up this week, and it is the year of Rabbit—my sign from Lunar Calendar and yeah, everyone expect prosperity at the end of the day. May you all have a great year ahead of you, because it is just the beginning of 2011. Cheers :)

Found an interesting website offering you wallpaper desktop with its own unique simplicity called Simple Desktops. The collection is pretty amazing and you don’t need to tire up your eyes with flashy colors or crowded images. I ended up downloaded every single one of them :P

Here are some of my random favorite walpapers:

And here is my desktop looks like now:

Try to visit and grab one. It’s so damn fun :)

Pilihan-pilihan dalam hidup bukan hanya sekedar ‘pilihan‘, tidak sama dengan memilih A, B, C, D, dan E di lembar UAN dan SPMB. Pilihan dalam hidup kadang mencakup masa depan, melingkupi kebahagiaan. Untuk percaya atau tidak percaya, untuk menjawab ya atau tidak. Sekarang, ketika pilihan tersebut sudah diletakkan. Kembali ada sebuah kata yang tersebut kamus ‘penyesalan‘.

Konsepnya mungkin sama dengan mendapatkan nilai 9 jika salah memilih jawaban di salah satu pertanyaan, atau kemungkinan mendapat 10 ketika pilihan tersebut adalah (yang dianggap) paling tepat. Perbedaan angka 1 antara nilai 9 dan 10 menjadi jurang besar walaupun perbedaan tersebut terbilang hanya ‘satu’. Efeknya besar, dan mungkin berlipat. Kemungkinan mendapat penghargaan lebih dari guru atau orang tua, dari teman-teman, dari diri sendiri.

Tapi pilihan dalam hidup tidak semudah itu untuk dipahami. Penyesalan atas kesalahan memilih kadang tertinggal bertahun-tahun kemudian, atau bahkan tidak dapat diterima sama sekali. Bersarang mengganggu dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Sayangnya, hidup berjalan seperti biasanya. Tidak terlalu memikirkan penyesalan ‘kecil’ yang kita lakukan. Kecuali kita memilih kembali, menjadikan penyesalan tersebut ‘kecil’ atau ‘besar’. Memilih untuk diketahui atau tidak diketahui.

Ya atau tidak, percaya atau tidak percaya, peduli atau tidak peduli. Entah mengapa sebenarnya semua hal hanya berputar di tiga pilihan itu saja. Hebatnya, beberapa orang terlalu sempurna. Otaknya tersekat hebat. Seperti biner, hanya 0 atau 1, hanya iya dan tidak. Tidak ada abu-abu.