Dearest Children

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//August 28, 2009//

Today I open a book. An empty book with no one’s writting on it.

A lot of smile and a laugh. We started to drive to the road where no one knows.

Maybe you and I will continue to walk on side by side on the same pavement. Or sit together on the same bench. Talking deepest thought or trashest stuff.

We don’t know it yet. But, someday we’ll know.

Dearest children, hope that we’ll write on that book together. Then, let’s pray that we’ll grow up together. Having fun. To eternity.

Selamat datang, Cakru 2009.

 

Gelap. Sunyi. What a perfect couple for a shattered heart.

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//August 21, 2009//

Saya mudah tertidur kalau naik kendaraan. Apalagi naik travel. Saya pasti langsung jatuh tidur sesaat setelah naik travel.

Malam ini, aneh. Malam ini, mata saya tak kunjung menutup. Mungkin karena lelah. Atau karena air mata ini tak juga habis.

Kanan, kiri. Gelap.
Cahaya. Satu, dua, hilang.
Lalu gelap lagi.
Lampu-lampu mobil mulai terlihat. Mungkin jalan jadi terlihat lebih terang. Tapi buat saya, malam itu tetap gelap.

Lagu sendu mendayu-dayu diputar di radio. Tapi buat saya, malam itu sangat sunyi.

Saya masih hancur.
Sekarang hampir tak bersisa.

 

Entah Keberapa Kali

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//August 21, 2009//

Tangis ini bukan karena disakiti.
Tapi karena menyakiti.

Mungkin saya orang paling lemah sedunia, karena saya mudah sekali menangis hari ini.

Saya menyebut nama Ibu berkali-kali, padahal ini semua tidak ada hubungannya dengan keluarga saya. Saya menyebut nama yang paling saya ingat, yang paling saya sayang, tempat saya berkeluh kesah di pagi itu.
Tapi malam ini, tangis itu tetap jatuh tak henti-henti.

Saya sayang dia dan mereka.

Saya teriris-iris ketika saya tahu dia marah.

Saya bukan orang paling pintar sedunia, sehingga saya tahu semua maksud hati orang.
Saya hanya pandai memperhatikan orang lain, tanpa pernah tahu bagaimana cara memperhatikan diri sendiri.
Saya ingin dia, mereka, bahagia. Karena hal itu saja membuat saya bahagia.

Tidakkah kalian tahu, bahwa saya sayang kalian, melebihi diri saya sendiri?
Tidak perlu tahupun tidak mengapa.

Maaf.

Saya hanya bisa menyebut kata itu.
Saya hancur.

Keep the children inside of you

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//August 04, 2009//

Keep the children inside of you, as my old friend said to me. I did. I believe that every people are destined to walk on their own adventure. There’s a reason why God gave us a chance to present in this uneternal world. We just too selfish to notice and too late to realize. We fill our immortal life with what we call ambition. Live happily ever after, having a lovely husband, getting a job we always dream of, spoiled our own life to what we called prosperity. What we don’t notice is maybe out there, there’s lot of people needed our little dirty hand. They needed more than what we thought, and how selfish we are for not realizing it. We just a small particle in this galactic, how stupid we are to think that we’re better than anyone else.

Every beauty pageant identically related to ‘saving the world’ and ‘world peace’. We laughed to see the answer back then. But maybe, this is what beauty is all about, realizing that we don’t live alone on this so called planet. We supposed to interact with other people, not only with our relatives and friends, but also with people we haven’t met before. People said don’t be so naïve, but maybe being naïve is what we need today to solve the problem we experience everyday. Start with yourself, and maybe you can change the entire neighborhood, or even better, a country. And next step, you can maybe change the world.

Saya pengen kerja di United Nation. Membantu semua orang yang bisa saya bantu. Mungkin ini pekerjaan yang paling cocok buat saya. Pekerjaan tanpa balas jasa. Haha, hanya angan-angan yang suatu saat mungkin terwujud ataupun menguap ditelan malam. Tapi, siapa yang tahu. Pada akhirnya, manusia hanya bisa berharap kan?