Envy is a strong word.

Melihat teman-teman (apalagi teman-teman dekat) meraih sesuatu yang lebih dari kita, kadang bikin minder. Entah mereka dapat pekerjaan bagus, atau dapat beasiswa nun jauh di sana. Padahal seharusnya kita ikut merasa bangga atas apa yang dicapai si teman dan menjadikannya cambuk semangat untuk berusaha lebih lagi.

Sometimes in my bizarre insane times, I got down so much that I blame myself for all those inability. To do great is never going to be my thing. I kept questioning why I couldn’t get the same chances, the same success.

Tapi kemudian saya sadar, teman-teman saya yang punya pekerjaan di perusahaan multinasional mungkin belum pernah membantu orang lain meneruskan sekolah. Teman-teman saya, yang digaji besar atau digaji dollar, bisa membiayai adik-adiknya bayaran SPP, toh saya juga bisa. Jadi apa yang sebenernya saya permasalahkan? Apa ukuran sukses bagi masing-masing orang?

But what’s the point of all the glory, if you’re not doing something for others? If you’re not touching anyone?

Saya menertawakan teman saya yang pindah haluan ke perusahaan Tambang hanya karena ingin bekerja di ‘perusahaan yang punya nama besar’ (di kasus ini walaupun dengan embel-embel terkenal dari segi gaji malah down grade istilahnya, dari segi experience-pun terlihat mundur dan bergaji lebih). Tapi kemudian saya sadar bahwa saya sedang menertawakan diri sendiri. Apa bagusnya kerja di perusahaan besar dan terkenal, disebut hebat oleh orang lain kalau punya waktu untuk membantu orang lain saja tidak ada? Ketika saya mendengar pendapat teman yang bilang kalau dengan mencari uang yang banyak, dia ingin membantu orang lain. Saya malah menertawakannya lebih kencang, membantu itu harusnya ada ketika ada niat. Karena membantu tidak melulu tentang uang (walaupun pada kenyataannya uang akan sangat amat membantu).

In the end, I found relieve.

Tujuan akhir manusia saya bukan untuk dikenal karena titel perusahaan, karena harta melimpah, apa lagi karena gengsi, tapi saya ingin dikenal dengan seberapa banyak saya menyentuh orang lain untuk meraih mimpinya.

Terdengar seperti pembenaran? Tapi saya sangat yakin dengan pilihan ini. Terlalu, sangat, yakin.

2012, well yes, a new year.

What come across me actually for this year? Except for the Lego set, nothing (I even sometimes doubt do I really want a Lego set instead of the train set and/or a Buzz Lightyear action figure). There are actually some plans, but it is rather blurred and somewhat surreal. I kept trying to write what achievement I would make for this year, but I ended up writing stuff I want to buy instead. Somewhat, pathetic.

What changes a year can make, well, I found myself rather more pessimistic than last year. A lot of failure really gives you scar, you know. But yeah, I really want to make that change once more. There, I found one. Be more optimistic about life.

The rest follows, write more in a proper manner and grammar including movie review or transportation system issue. Giving more in my league, in my way. Take chances of all possibilities, without feeling envy about other people’s life.

Just carry on.

To be honest, 2011 is like a blink of an eye—flashing but somehow calming. It is a year of denial for me, there are a lot of things I have to fake just to look normal. To follow the stream is never be my safest belt. To calm myself and finally found peace is an okay phase for me, because I know there will be another that would come and messed up things up. Jamie is right, Twenty Something would never be easy on you.

But my wish for 2011 did come true, I am happy.

At January I got myself busy, in my own way, trying to get a job. Lots of failure.

At February to April I earned my first of coins, tried to find a way to save the world, and I went on a short trip to Solo and Jogja.

At May, I got my first real job, too bad it is related to engineering :)) Got new friends, new people to make joke with, to laugh together at funny words with, to play Yugi-oh card game online together with, to take picture at helipad with, etc. Having friends are always wonderful ♥. The rest of the months are flowing pretty much the same. Paperworks and deadlines. A cup of tea in the morning. A fingerprint scan in the afternoon. Zombie life, perhaps? Unfortunately, I refuse to that, I still wanted to take the best of life. I learned about a lot things. It’s like taking Semester Pendek of my whole college academic life, sometimes got me headache but yeah I need to continue to live :P And I started a scholarship program with friends from my college major, it pretty much keep my spirit up. Wish us luck on our first selection process.

At November and December, I got my first site visit to Tiaka at Sulawesi. The first artificial island at Indonesia made above coral (fun facts! Try to Google ‘Tiaka’ and you will find lots of frightening news related about the riot happened back there, still surreal I just happened to step there). And finally at December I went to Ujung Pangkah at East Java. Saw ‘tanks as big as Gelora Bung Karno’ and a pantry with limitless supply of hot Milo :))

I’m still fighting myself about these growing-old-things. A vacancy with bigger salary and benefit, a scholarship abroad, high heels, make-up, an invitation wedding, screw it! Why rushing?

But I’m still having fun and I guess that’s the key

I’m a twenty something and I’ll keep being me

Twenty Something – Jamie Cullum

To finally found a slight of light, and happiness, it feels comforting. Yes, I still refuse growing old. I freeze my sanity here, I will keep those bubble of dreams (and lots of surreal movies). Like as I always said, keep the children inside of you. And then let them fly, like a boss :)

Happy (short) holiday.

—

And for 2012, I propose for a year full of decorating future world. And I promise you, it will be full of (the obvious) rainbow glimpse and a splash of gold. One of the targets? Maybe buying my first Lego set and make a fortress out of it :D

It is finally December. The mighty one. If I’m being asked what the best song to portray December perfectly is, it would certainly be Desember by Efek Rumah Kaca.

I’m not recapping 2011 (yet), so I just give you things I like/love lately.

Descign is a brand focusing in Science and Education. It is holding the mission to introduce Science by its funny lines and fancy design. As a die hard fans of children encyclopedia I love Descign. Founded in late 2011 by two ITB’s Biology student and it just launched its first T-shirt collection (which I already order two instantly :P).

Here’s one of the illustration from their website.

Victoria’s Secret Show 2011 features Maroon 5 with their latest hip song ‘Moves Like Jagger’, which sometimes I doubt whether people singing along with this song knows who Jagger is. My favorite wings (once again) come from PINK collection, where they put the colorful neon in heart and wing shape. And it is official that Behati Prinsloo (the one in the middle) is my next star struck ♥. Visit her mini gallery here where she displays her photographs in black and white.

Dianna Agron has been everybody’s favorite Glee clubbers and personally, one of my crush. I suddenly don’t feel that bad anymore after cutting my hair short after seeing Agron’s gorgeous hair :P

YouMeandCharlie is a website full of inspiration where Agron shares her writing, photos, sketch, and everything to inspire others. Although I sometimes lost focus on the scattered main layout web, I still love the website. And here I quote Agron words that certainly made my day.

… I am a SF-bred girl who would live my entire life down the rabbit hole in a world of nonsense, but due to the low probability of me ever finding that damn hole, I use my vivid imagination every day and refuse to ever truly grow up. Not all the way! That wouldn’t be fun! Why not embrace a life like Peter? I love what I do, I love to see a smile turn a smile turn a smile. Life is too short, too melancholy for some. I’d like to try to diffuse that as much as I can. I am only one, but together we are so much more.

Cheers to December, to life, to you ♥